Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My New Life
They say that breaking up is hard to do. Man, some cliches just got it right. It's not the breaking up with somebody that is just hard (although that is a major part of it), but rather, the separation of two lives that were intertwined for so long. My relationship with my ex lasted over 11 years. I remember the first time I met her that she was the woman I wanted to be with. I was 17 and I had no idea what a long-term relationship, let alone marriage, meant. We dated for about 5 years and got married. The marriage lasted for almost 7 years until earlier this year, she decided that it was over. Don't get me wrong, I forced her into her decision because I am a stubborn person who only wants to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I gave little to no thought about her feelings, which is why I find myself in this situation.
I was laid off from work in June of 2009, and have spent the last 10 months on unemployment. I never thought that, being under 30, it would be so hard to find a job. Given this economic climate that America and the world has found itself, jobs were a valued piece of life, and those who had them weren't giving them up. Turnover for every company has tanked, as people refuse to leave their jobs. Even fast food restaurants (which notoriously have ridiculous turnover rates) have almost bottomed out. The fact of the matter is that I lost my job, and no jobs were opening up. Fuck me. This week, however, I finally got hired at a major home improvement warehouse running their outside garden department. Before my last job that is what I did, so I am excited to start a new job where I require no training, and, in fact, have experience and a wealth of knowledge in.
One of the hardest things to deal after a break up, especially after such a long time, is dealing with mutual friends. Or should I say people I THOUGHT were mutual friends. People's loyalty always shows through during times like this. I have lost a lot of people that I enjoyed hanging out with, and it's obvious now that my friendship was just to stay in close with my ex. Ulterior motives... Sitting there like innocent shoulders to cry on and listen, when they are really trying to get with an emotional vulnerable woman. It's some sick shit, but I am a true believer in karma, and she is one bad bitch.
I have now found myself in a sort of limbo state. I am single, but I am not dating. I know I am not ready emotionally, physically or financially to be in a relationship. I was raised with manners, and although I am an asshole a lot of the time, those manners do show through. I open doors for women, I always say "thank you," and I always tip high and treat my servers with respect. I fear, however, that people see this as me having ulterior motives, and they think I am full of shit. That bums me out, because I know that somewhere in me is just a nice guy who has a hardened exterior because of my last relationship. I am not blaming my ex, though. We both changed, and we became two people who hated being with each other. That's no way to live, especially in a marriage.
I am not bitter, nor am I hateful towards my ex. She and I shared almost half our lives together, and she will always own a huge piece in my heart. She'll never know this, because I would never tell her, but that is the truth. I know, however that the piece of my heart that she owns will never get in the way of any relationship that comes after. That is just something I know about myself. I truly wish her the best. I hope she finds someone that completes her life and makes her happy. I'm not going to lie, it will feel weird to see her at first dating someone else, but I know that she deserves to be happy. She put up with a lot of shit for a long time, and she deserves to be happy. I feel like I do too, but I am not sure when, if ever, that will happen. I am holding out hope that I will meet that person that completes me and makes me happy. Maybe I haven't met her yet. Maybe I have met her already. No way of knowing yet, but no matter what, I do know she is a Dodgers fan.
I was laid off from work in June of 2009, and have spent the last 10 months on unemployment. I never thought that, being under 30, it would be so hard to find a job. Given this economic climate that America and the world has found itself, jobs were a valued piece of life, and those who had them weren't giving them up. Turnover for every company has tanked, as people refuse to leave their jobs. Even fast food restaurants (which notoriously have ridiculous turnover rates) have almost bottomed out. The fact of the matter is that I lost my job, and no jobs were opening up. Fuck me. This week, however, I finally got hired at a major home improvement warehouse running their outside garden department. Before my last job that is what I did, so I am excited to start a new job where I require no training, and, in fact, have experience and a wealth of knowledge in.
One of the hardest things to deal after a break up, especially after such a long time, is dealing with mutual friends. Or should I say people I THOUGHT were mutual friends. People's loyalty always shows through during times like this. I have lost a lot of people that I enjoyed hanging out with, and it's obvious now that my friendship was just to stay in close with my ex. Ulterior motives... Sitting there like innocent shoulders to cry on and listen, when they are really trying to get with an emotional vulnerable woman. It's some sick shit, but I am a true believer in karma, and she is one bad bitch.
I have now found myself in a sort of limbo state. I am single, but I am not dating. I know I am not ready emotionally, physically or financially to be in a relationship. I was raised with manners, and although I am an asshole a lot of the time, those manners do show through. I open doors for women, I always say "thank you," and I always tip high and treat my servers with respect. I fear, however, that people see this as me having ulterior motives, and they think I am full of shit. That bums me out, because I know that somewhere in me is just a nice guy who has a hardened exterior because of my last relationship. I am not blaming my ex, though. We both changed, and we became two people who hated being with each other. That's no way to live, especially in a marriage.
I am not bitter, nor am I hateful towards my ex. She and I shared almost half our lives together, and she will always own a huge piece in my heart. She'll never know this, because I would never tell her, but that is the truth. I know, however that the piece of my heart that she owns will never get in the way of any relationship that comes after. That is just something I know about myself. I truly wish her the best. I hope she finds someone that completes her life and makes her happy. I'm not going to lie, it will feel weird to see her at first dating someone else, but I know that she deserves to be happy. She put up with a lot of shit for a long time, and she deserves to be happy. I feel like I do too, but I am not sure when, if ever, that will happen. I am holding out hope that I will meet that person that completes me and makes me happy. Maybe I haven't met her yet. Maybe I have met her already. No way of knowing yet, but no matter what, I do know she is a Dodgers fan.
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