Alcohol Did It...

I just found out that I got kicked out of my band for my excessive drinking. The strange part is that I am a solo artist.

Oh My God... I LOVE This Version Of This Song! So Amazing!

I've Heard This Song A Million Times And Just Realized What It's About! This Explains How I Felt For A Long Time So Perfectly! Crazy!

Mestismo At Its Infant Stages...

This is what raw "Mestismo" looks like... Watch out ladies. In about 17 years, this kid's gonna be a killer!

Gabriel Dancing from Matthew Mestas on Vimeo.

My New Year's Resolution

Date more models.

*Revised*

Date more girls.

*Revised*

Get a date.

*Revised*

Stop crying whilst masturbating.

A Look Back On 2010

Here is a list of some of my wins (and losses) in 2010 and my thoughts on each:

WINS:

• Lost 70 lbs.- I am shocked that I had 70 pounds to lose, but after looking at pics from last year, it's obvious that I needed to do something about it.
• New Job- Although I don't like it that much and I am looking for something better, I am glad to be working at a steady job after such a long time without one.
• Paid Off My Truck- Amazing to free up some much needed cash.
• Making New Friends- This one is huge for a few reasons. I have been sort of a hermit for a long time. I don't make "friends" easily. Now that I am single, I have realized how important friends are. New or old, nothing beats a good friend. I love the fact that I have people in my life that mean a lot to me. My old friends have never once turned their backs on me. That is something I will never be able to thank them for. My new friends like Laurren, Ian and Charity have each had a major effects on my life this year. Some more than others. Many co-workers have also made this transitional year an easier one.

LOSSES:

• My Wife- Obviously, this is the major reason as to why my life has been dramatically different than any other year for me. No matter what, I will always love her. She was my best friend and I am glad that we can still talk to each other. We are working on being friends, which is weird with someone who I spent over 11 years with. I'm glad she found someone that makes her happy and I wish nothing but that for her.
• My House- I used to love going "home." Without that, I was lost. I am adjusting well, but I still find myself occasionally reminiscing about going back home. Not gonna happen, though! Trust me!
• Laurren- She was the first girl I dated seriously after the end of my marriage. Although it didn't work out, I did learn a lot about myself and what makes ME happy. I owe her a lot for helping me through a really difficult time in my life. We have since been able to be friends again, so it's not a total loss, although she's back with her ex... Hahaha...
• Charity- This is the one that really stings. She is an amazing woman and I found myself falling so hard for her. I really can't place WHY I did except that she is everything I wanted. Everything about her is what I was looking for and I wasn't looking for anything or anyone. To be honest, I hold her in such high regard that she may have ruined it for any other girl to follow. I know that's giving her a lot of credit, but hey, I'm being honest. She is an incredible woman and an incredible friend. Being able to be myself around someone is something I have not experienced before. I have so much to thank her for. She really helped mold me into the person that I have become since my divorce. I hope we can become friends again. I wish I could say that it is what I miss most about her, but the thing that I do miss most is her. Plain and simple.

This year has been so up and down. I have had so many ebbs and flows that I am starting to feel nauseous. The thing is, so many things have changed in my life this year, that I feel like a completely different person. 2011 promises to be a good year, I think. I can feel it. Some big changes are going to happen to me in the next few months and I am so excited for them. I am chasing down some dreams that have been on the back burner for so long. My passion for things like art, music and writing have been reignited and I am following these passions with full force. 2011 is going to be my year. Watch out!

Letting Go

I am letting you go. I have come to terms with the fact that you don't think we're right for each other. I learned a lot about myself in the short time we were together, and I have you to thank for that. I just don't want to keep holding on to something that isn't there. I have to stop thinking about you and just let go. Maybe you and I are right for each other, just at a different time in our lives. Then again, maybe not. Only time will tell. I just can't let that thought get in the way of someone else. I haven't let anyone get close to me since you left. I can't stop thinking about you. That's not fair to them. That's not fair to me. I have been trying to work on me being happy, and for the most part, I am. The holidays suck, of course, but that's to be expected. I hope you are doing well. I hope you are happy. I hope you find someone that makes you feel complete. You are not "destined to be alone." You just need to let yourself be happy. Don't question yourself.

I will tell you this: I miss your friendship. I would do anything to have that back. My friend that would meet me for a beer after work. My friend that would help me grocery shop out of concern that I wasn't eating. My fridge looks the same as it did... I hope one day you'll call or text me just to go grab a drink and catch up. The part of my heart that you own (and always will) feels empty. I just miss you as a friend. I miss how we could have an intelligent conversation and laugh so hard with each other. Hopefully, I can have my friend back. Plus, I miss Kiki... :)

-Matt

"Those Christmas Lights Light Up The Street, Maybe They'll Bring Her Back To Me..."

Being In A Slump...

I can't put my finger on it. I am in a funk. It just feels like I can't get shit right. It's been over a month since my girlfriend gave me the boot. I'm trying to move on, but I can't. It's not as though I am all obsessed, but I do think about her all the time. It just makes me sad that we couldn't make it work. As for work, it's getting worse. I have been applying elsewhere, as well as trying to get promoted there, but the retail game just ain't for me. It is a temporary fix until my old job is able to rehire me.

I have a couple of promising things in my life right now. One being professionally, one personally. A business opportunity with one of my best friends and one of my cousins is moving forward with a lot of steam. It promises to be huge too! More details on that when the time comes! The personal one is something that I don't want to jinx right now, but it could change my life forever! I am really excited, but I need to keep a level head about this, in case this doesn't work out. I just wish I had HER to share this excitement with me. Oh well. I hope SHE's doing well and is happy.

This Song Gets To Me Every Time... Especially Now. If I Could Only Put It Into Words Like This...

How I Feel...

This Is What I'm Listening To This Morning...

It's Been Awhile...

She's Back!!!

My bulldog was found! Thanks to the flyers (almost 200 of them!) that my ex-wife and I put up, the people who found her were able to get in contact with us! Phew!!! When I got the phone call on Friday night (about 36 hours after she went missing) I was so relieved! I didn't even know what to say! I am so glad that my little baby is back!!!

Dealing With Loss...

I don't know if someone upstairs is enjoying putting me through this kind of stuff, but this year has been riddled with loss for me. I have lost so much in the last year or so, I figured it was over. I guessed wrong. My bulldog, Gracie, ran away from my ex-wife's house today. She is my baby. I can't believe that I am now dealing with this. I pray to God she comes back home. My heart is aching to think my little angel is alone out in the scary world without anything or anyone. It scares me that something may have happened to her. I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do... This is one of the worst days on record for me...

Sad After My Dream Last Night...

I had a short night of sleep last night, but I had an amazing dream. I am not going into the specifics, but it was great. The problem is that my alarm woke me up and I now realize that it was just my dream. Double-checked my phone just to be sure. Nope. It was just a dream. :(... Still keeping my head above water... Or at least trying to...