So it's been quite some time since I have posted anything. I am still sober (6 months) and now clean, as I have not smoked weed or done any other type of drug since November. It feels good to take a mandatory DOT drug/alcohol test for work and have zeros across the board.
My life feels as if it is ever-changing, ever-evolving. I guess that's a good thing, right? Although, this month has not been good to me. My truck finally had a major problem. I bought that truck with 8 miles on it in October of 2005 and have not had an issue with it since. Until now. Almost $700 later, the damn thing still wont pass smog because of the catalytic converter. I can't bring myself to, nor can I afford to, fix it. A day after getting it from the shop, a baseball smashed in my rear window. They want $450 to replace it. And so, it remains parked in my parents' garage. In the meantime, I am borrowing my dad's work truck that gets about 30 feet to the gallon. Talk about going green,
My washer that was included in the purchase of my home decided that, since I have only had it for 9 months, it would take a shit. I am left with no washer and a pile of dirty clothing that is slowly turning into a very large mound. Again, too poor and/or cheap to buy a new one.
My boxer got a cut on her cornea, commonly know in the veterinary world as a "Boxer Ulcer." Boxer eyes have difficulty repairing themselves, thus leading to more serious problems. After taking her to the vet twice (at the cost of over $250!), I decided to take her to a specialist. The day before I was to take her, I noticed that her eye was not bothering her. I cancelled the appointment to see if it was, in fact, beginning to heal. It has been over two weeks, and I am happy to say, it has not returned! Finally, some good news!
Now to the "relationship" part. I have no idea what is going on. I am still dating the same chick, but it seems as if overnight, something has changed. I can't put my finger on it. I always thought and felt as if I was a relationship guy. After my divorce, I felt as if I needed to get into a relationship to help cope. I did. It failed. Then my next real relationship, SHE broke my heart by saying it was getting to serious (after she told me she was falling in love with me the day before). I knew she had some commitment issues, but that was a bit extreme. Then I started to jump around from lilly pad to lilly pad, never wanting to stay anywhere too long. Avoiding "the talk" at all cost. Then this chick came along.
She is so sweet, so genuine, so honest, so drop-dead gorgeous, I thought to myself there is no way this chick is for real. She continually proves me wrong. I find myself thinking about her all day. We started off so hot, so passionate. The sex was incredible, spontaneous and extremely satisfying. As of late, however, we don't have it as often. In my younger years, I would shrug this off as nothing. Post-marriage, though, this throws up a huge flag. I am totally certain that she is not the type of person to lie, cheat or any crap like that. I just cant help but start to build up a wall again, as to not get hurt again. I don't want to, but it feels like we are starting to drift apart. I guess we'll see what happens. Hoping this is just a funk we find ourselves in.
I know what you're thinking: It's not always about sex. Wrong. Sex is what makes or breaks a relationship. If you're not getting it on consistently, little things begin to become big problems. If you are having sex (any sex is good sex) on a consistent basis, little things roll off your back. Believe me. I had experience in this. My relationship with my ex-wife was something else... Not gonna get into it, but let's just say she fucked me up.
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