Alcohol Did It...

I just found out that I got kicked out of my band for my excessive drinking. The strange part is that I am a solo artist.

Oh My God... I LOVE This Version Of This Song! So Amazing!

I've Heard This Song A Million Times And Just Realized What It's About! This Explains How I Felt For A Long Time So Perfectly! Crazy!

Mestismo At Its Infant Stages...

This is what raw "Mestismo" looks like... Watch out ladies. In about 17 years, this kid's gonna be a killer!

Gabriel Dancing from Matthew Mestas on Vimeo.

My New Year's Resolution

Date more models.

*Revised*

Date more girls.

*Revised*

Get a date.

*Revised*

Stop crying whilst masturbating.

A Look Back On 2010

Here is a list of some of my wins (and losses) in 2010 and my thoughts on each:

WINS:

• Lost 70 lbs.- I am shocked that I had 70 pounds to lose, but after looking at pics from last year, it's obvious that I needed to do something about it.
• New Job- Although I don't like it that much and I am looking for something better, I am glad to be working at a steady job after such a long time without one.
• Paid Off My Truck- Amazing to free up some much needed cash.
• Making New Friends- This one is huge for a few reasons. I have been sort of a hermit for a long time. I don't make "friends" easily. Now that I am single, I have realized how important friends are. New or old, nothing beats a good friend. I love the fact that I have people in my life that mean a lot to me. My old friends have never once turned their backs on me. That is something I will never be able to thank them for. My new friends like Laurren, Ian and Charity have each had a major effects on my life this year. Some more than others. Many co-workers have also made this transitional year an easier one.

LOSSES:

• My Wife- Obviously, this is the major reason as to why my life has been dramatically different than any other year for me. No matter what, I will always love her. She was my best friend and I am glad that we can still talk to each other. We are working on being friends, which is weird with someone who I spent over 11 years with. I'm glad she found someone that makes her happy and I wish nothing but that for her.
• My House- I used to love going "home." Without that, I was lost. I am adjusting well, but I still find myself occasionally reminiscing about going back home. Not gonna happen, though! Trust me!
• Laurren- She was the first girl I dated seriously after the end of my marriage. Although it didn't work out, I did learn a lot about myself and what makes ME happy. I owe her a lot for helping me through a really difficult time in my life. We have since been able to be friends again, so it's not a total loss, although she's back with her ex... Hahaha...
• Charity- This is the one that really stings. She is an amazing woman and I found myself falling so hard for her. I really can't place WHY I did except that she is everything I wanted. Everything about her is what I was looking for and I wasn't looking for anything or anyone. To be honest, I hold her in such high regard that she may have ruined it for any other girl to follow. I know that's giving her a lot of credit, but hey, I'm being honest. She is an incredible woman and an incredible friend. Being able to be myself around someone is something I have not experienced before. I have so much to thank her for. She really helped mold me into the person that I have become since my divorce. I hope we can become friends again. I wish I could say that it is what I miss most about her, but the thing that I do miss most is her. Plain and simple.

This year has been so up and down. I have had so many ebbs and flows that I am starting to feel nauseous. The thing is, so many things have changed in my life this year, that I feel like a completely different person. 2011 promises to be a good year, I think. I can feel it. Some big changes are going to happen to me in the next few months and I am so excited for them. I am chasing down some dreams that have been on the back burner for so long. My passion for things like art, music and writing have been reignited and I am following these passions with full force. 2011 is going to be my year. Watch out!

Letting Go

I am letting you go. I have come to terms with the fact that you don't think we're right for each other. I learned a lot about myself in the short time we were together, and I have you to thank for that. I just don't want to keep holding on to something that isn't there. I have to stop thinking about you and just let go. Maybe you and I are right for each other, just at a different time in our lives. Then again, maybe not. Only time will tell. I just can't let that thought get in the way of someone else. I haven't let anyone get close to me since you left. I can't stop thinking about you. That's not fair to them. That's not fair to me. I have been trying to work on me being happy, and for the most part, I am. The holidays suck, of course, but that's to be expected. I hope you are doing well. I hope you are happy. I hope you find someone that makes you feel complete. You are not "destined to be alone." You just need to let yourself be happy. Don't question yourself.

I will tell you this: I miss your friendship. I would do anything to have that back. My friend that would meet me for a beer after work. My friend that would help me grocery shop out of concern that I wasn't eating. My fridge looks the same as it did... I hope one day you'll call or text me just to go grab a drink and catch up. The part of my heart that you own (and always will) feels empty. I just miss you as a friend. I miss how we could have an intelligent conversation and laugh so hard with each other. Hopefully, I can have my friend back. Plus, I miss Kiki... :)

-Matt