Moving On...

This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I have to walk away from someone who I fell hard for. No one likes to move on in situations like this, but I need to try and keep my head up. I know that, for once, I was myself throughout our "relationship." This is the FIRST time I can say that with 100% honesty. I've always guarded myself and left out parts of my personality. I've changed who I was to be who I thought the other person wanted. Not this time. So now, because of that, I can walk away knowing that I put it all on the table. This is me. Take it or leave it. Unfortunately for me, she left it. I'd like to think that I am a good, decent guy, but its things like this that start to harden my heart. I don't want to be a cynical asshole, but I feel as if I am starting to edge closer and closer to that.

SHE and I had a great time together. Or at least, I did. It felt honest. It felt real. It wasn't forced, or at least thought it wasn't. I guess SHE felt like SHE had to force it. I have my own theories about that, but they'll have to wait for another place or time. Letting HER out of my life is so hard to do. I think about HER all the time. SHE still has a hold on me, and I feel like SHE will for a long time. Something about HER felt like no one else I've ever dated. We connected on so many levels. SHE is exactly what I was looking for and I wasn't even looking. I wasn't trying to get into a relationship or date... It just happened. I guess that's the difference between HER and me- I let things happen without over-thinking it, while, it seems, SHE over-thinks it. That just lead to HER scaring HERSELF.

I am guarded, to a point. I had my heart crushed, stomped on and destroyed by someone I loved. It caused me to put up a cold front so it wouldn't happen again. SHE broke all those walls down in such a short amount of time. It was something so unexpected. I became vulnerable and my heart was exposed. I wish I could say that SHE didn't break my heart, but I can't. SHE did. My heart was hers to do what she wanted. We all know how that ends up. Its not HER fault, though. I understand. I don't blame Her one bit for the pain I am feeling. SHE is an amazing woman and if SHE called me years down the road, I would probably go back. SHE is definitely one in a million. I hope that the guy SHE ends up with realizes just how lucky a son-of-a-bitch he is. SHE is going to make someone extremely happy. Honestly, I just wish it would have been me. Time to try and move on...